Letting go is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I often find myself holding onto things that no longer serve me, even though I know holding on sometimes does more damage than letting go. This past year has shown me the power of shedding the old to make way for the new. As fall approached, I found myself excited to witness the changes in nature.
During this season, nature reminds us of the importance of letting go. Nature reminds us that shedding past layers of ourselves is essential to becoming who we desire to be. This year, I was forced to let go of the person I saw a future with, and the version of myself I was while with her. I found myself not only grieving the loss of what we shared but also mourning the woman I once was. At some point, I realized that I lost myself in us – which tends to happen when I’m romantically involved with someone. I forgot who I was outside of her, which made our ending so painful and debilitating that some days it felt too hard to function. I have always been someone who feels things very intensely. Happiness feels like euphoria, sadness feels like suicidal ideation, anger feels like rage, and heartache often feels like the world is ending. And maybe in this case, my world as I knew it did end and I’ve learned to accept this. I’ve learned to accept that things are truly over and that walking away from the person I loved dearly was for the best. I’ve also accepted that I’ll never be the version of myself that I was again.
In working on letting go, I’ve found joy again. This took time. I spent months crying every day, stuck in the cyclical process of heartache. I didn’t know how to be ok without my lover and best friend, but slowly, I learned. In letting go, I rediscovered the parts of myself I had gradually lost. Despite the joy I’ve attained, there are still days where I feel the weight of the hurt I’ve endured – but I cope better now. Instead of remaining stuck in the hurt, I hold space for my feelings by honoring where I currently am, and then I release them whether through journaling, meditating, or dancing. These healing modalities have been instrumental in helping me process the pain and let it go.
Letting go isn’t an overnight process. I’ve learned that some things take years of inner work to truly let go of. There are things that transpired in my past that I’m still working to move on from. As I have my daily commune with nature every morning, I’m reminded of how beautiful this journey is – the journey of becoming. Nature reminds us that we can begin again and again. That darkness will always turn to light, that the things we shed will grow into something more divine, that we all have the ability to let go and start over.
During this season, nature reminds us that sometimes we have to be stripped bare in order to repair ourselves.
ItsJaiMarie 