Reflecting on 2021

As usual, this year has been filled with ups and downs. I’ve learned so much about myself and life that I’ll be carrying with me into next year. As the year comes to an end, I’ve taken time to reflect on some of my biggest lessons and takeaways from 2021.

Reflection Questions for 2021

1. What were a few lessons you learned this year?

One lesson I learned this year is that life goes on. Things keep moving whether or not I do. The clock keeps ticking regardless of what I have or haven’t accomplished. Life goes on even without the people you thought you couldn’t live without.

I ended relationships with two of my closest friends this year. It was difficult and caused me a significant amount of pain. They were both people I never wanted to live without but losing them ended up being good for me. Looking back, I realize I was putting forth more effort in both of those relationships to try and salvage them. Both of these people hurt me deeply and while I haven’t forgiven them yet it’s something I’m working towards.

I’ve learned to believe who a person is the first time they show me. I’ve given numerous people multiple chances thinking they would change and each time they show me that they never will. I always want to see the good in everyone and it hurts me in the end. I’m learning to stop giving people more than one chance to disrespect and disappoint me.

I’m getting serious about setting boundaries and not feeling guilty about it.

Something else I’ve learned is that there is no timeframe for healing. Healing isn’t linear and some days will be better than others. Healing is messy while also being beautiful. The healing journey is complex and something that shouldn’t be rushed.

I don’t really know if time heals all wounds but I do know that over time you learn to cope and deal with your pain and trauma.

I’ve also realized that sex is a very spiritual experience for me. After breaking my celibacy this year, I felt off mentally and spiritually. In a way, sleeping with someone binds you to them and their energy is within you. Breaking my celibacy twice this year was a huge mistake because neither of those people deserved to know that part of me. I no longer want to be tied to any unhealthy or demonic energy.

This year I realized that I’m not ready to date or be in a relationship with anyone and that’s ok. I spent time browsing dating apps and even started the process of getting to know new people. I had really started to like someone but I realized they lacked basic communication skills and they also started being inconsistent. I felt myself becoming too emotional while dealing with them and I started allowing their actions to negatively impact my mood. After that, I decided I need more time alone.

It’s time for me to embrace my single season and date and love on myself.

During a recent therapy session, I told my therapist that I don’t want to get involved with someone just because I’m lonely or just to say I have someone. In realizing that right now is my time to be alone, I understand that I don’t want someone just to fill a void.

I don’t want anyone out of desperation or because I don’t want to sit with my loneliness.

2. What brought you joy this year?

One thing that made me feel happy is realizing I did the right thing when I left my job to pursue writing full-time. Freelancing is so unpredictable and I’ve had clients come and go. Some even completely ghosted me! That being said, I am so grateful to be doing what I love and my only hope is that next year I’ll be making enough to fully support myself and everything I want to do and also to be able to save up to move.

Something else that brought me joy is seeing my blog grow. My blog is my baby and I pour so much into her. Ever since I’ve been more consistent, my traffic has been booming. Now, I’m working on growing my follower count. It can be discouraging when I see other people’s blogs growing and my growth has been slow as far as gaining new followers goes. However, I won’t let that keep me from doing what I love.

3. What are you most proud of this year?

One thing I’m most proud of is enrolling in college. I’d been saying I wanted to go to school for a while and I am so proud of myself for taking the first step to better myself and advance in my career.

I kept putting it off because it didn’t feel like the right time. Sometimes we have to stop waiting on the “right” time and just go after what we want. I know this journey will become more difficult as time goes on but I’ll always remember why I started and use that as motivation to keep persevering.

Another thing I’m proud of is surviving. I made it through the entire year with no suicide attempts or hospitalizations and in my eyes, that’s something to celebrate.

4. How did you fail this year?

In my eyes, my biggest failure was that I didn’t lose all the weight I planned to. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and it has taken a huge toll on my overall health and the way I view myself. In November, I was able to lose 10 pounds by transitioning from a vegetarian diet to a vegan diet which I’m still on as of today. I’ve also started incorporating workouts into my routine again. I have a lot of weight to lose but instead of looking at the total amount I want to lose, I’m focusing on trying to lose around 10 pounds a month.

5. How are you different than a year ago?

For most of last year, I was a hot drunken mess. I was going through a traumatic breakup with my long-term boyfriend and I spent months trying to drown my sorrow in sex and alcohol.

I didn’t get serious about my healing until June or July of 2020. Around December of last year is when I started tapping more into my spirituality. Last year I was forced into my healing and spiritual journey. I realized I could either continue down the horrible path I was on or I could embark on a journey of enlightenment and become the best version of myself.

This year I met a more healed and happier version of myself. A more healthy version.

6. What’s one thing you want to accomplish next year?

One of my goals for next year is to finish writing at least one of the books I’ve been working on. For so long, I’ve dreamed of being a published author and I can’t wait to make that dream come true.

7. What will you do to step out of your comfort zone?

My anxiety prevents me from doing so many things I want to. In 2022, I want to go out more and experience more, even if I have to do it alone.