5/6/21
What can I say about Jaila?
She was talented…
But troubled
She struggled most days to find meaning
And even when she smiled if you searched deep enough you could see the pain in her eyes
She got lost at a young age and never quite found her way back
She broke herself loving those that showed they would never love her in the same way
She was depressed most of her life
But there were moments when things appeared to be improving
There were moments she experienced pure joy
But it wasn’t enough,
To her, the bad outweighed the good
To her, the only solution to be free from misery was to end it all
She knew her time was near and made peace with her decision
If only she’d realized all she left behind
All the people she crushed with her demise
How could someone with so much going for themselves throw it all away?
To know I’ll never get to see those big brown eyes again
Or listen to her words of wisdom
Damn, I thought she was healing
I wish I could’ve saved her
I wish she would’ve held on
And now that she’s gone,
There’s so much I wish I could say to her
Like, how I loved her through all her flaws
Or, how I always knew what she was worthy of even when she couldn’t see it
I’ll miss the way her eyes light up when she talks about something that excites her
And how her cheekbones pop when she smiles
I’ll miss the way she’d take off her shoes just to step into the pair of another
Just to feel someone else’s pain…
The way she cared for every person in this room is something that can’t be replaced
Jaila,
The sun that always rises again
The planted flowers that blossom again every spring
The tree that displays years of damage and yet still stands firmly
The light of my life
I’m not ready to say goodbye
So instead I’ll pretend you’ve gone away for awhile
And I’ll wait patiently for your return
Until we meet again.
Photo by Mathias P.R. Reding on Unsplash
ItsJaiMarie 