The last time I posted a life update was in October of 2021. Since then, I’ve experienced quite a few changes in my life. Things have been moving pretty quickly these days. It’s almost like I blink and it’s a new month. It has made me realize that life stops for no one.
These last few weeks I’ve been riddled with anxiety and I’ve felt myself slipping into a depressive episode. I’ve had some problems with my health and after seeing two different doctors I still have yet to receive any answers about what’s actually going on. Both doctors assured me that they’re not very concerned about my issue but my anxiety has convinced me that I’m dying. The last doctor I saw put in a referral request for me to see another specialist so hopefully, I will have some answers soon.
Speaking of my health, I’ve officially lost 35 pounds. I’m not where I wanted to be this time of year as far as my weight loss journey is concerned but I know that losing over 30 pounds is something to celebrate. I was diagnosed with PCOS in September of 2021 (though I’d suspected I had it for quite some time) and it has made this journey very challenging. PCOS can make it easy to gain weight but extremely hard to lose it. It seems like all I have to do is look at a piece of food and I gain 5 pounds. It’s discouraging knowing that I have to work twice as hard as the average person just to shed a few pounds. I didn’t start seeing results until I transitioned from being vegetarian to being vegan. Cutting out dairy has really made a difference. I’m more consistent with working out than I’ve ever been. I’ve always lacked discipline when it came to exercising regularly but I realized if I want to lose weight, I’m going to have to work out. I can’t wait to see where I am by the end of the year.
I recently started a new job working as a content writer for an addiction recovery company. It’s only part-time and it doesn’t pay very well so I may still end up needing to find another source of income. That being said, I get to write about addiction and mental health, two topics I’m passionate about. I had been job searching for a few months and was starting to lose hope when this company contacted me for an interview. I nearly cried tears of joy when they said they loved my portfolio and offered me the position. Words can’t express how grateful I am.
Aside from work, school has been going well. I’m in my fifth term and after this term, I get a one-week break which is much needed. In my current class, I’m working on an essay about whether addiction is a disease or a choice. The topic felt fitting considering my new job. About a month ago, I received an email from my school inviting me to join an honor society. You have to maintain a certain GPA to be eligible so it felt good to have my hard work recognized. I decided to join and I’m currently completing my induction steps.
Because of all my responsibilities, I haven’t had much time to work on my blog. My blog is like my baby and it’s really disappointing that I haven’t been able to nurture it the way I usually can. I have several topics that I’m planning on posting about but I just need to find the time to sit down to plan and write them. Although I don’t have a set work schedule, my job has still been taking up quite a bit of my time. My mom helped me come up with a daily schedule and I think as long as I stick with it I’ll be fine. For now, I think I will dedicate Saturdays and Sundays to working on content for my blog.
The depression I was beginning to feel because of my health has pretty much lifted. I’ve been in a good space as far as my mental health goes. I’m still seeing my therapist once a week and my meds seem to be doing their job. I’ve had thoughts about getting off of my medication, but it’s not something I’ve discussed with my prescriber. My former prescriber told me that some people with bipolar disorder can live without medicine when I asked her if she thought I’d be on meds for the rest of my life. If I’m being honest, I don’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life but for a while, I accepted that I might be. As I journey further into spirituality and begin to learn more about how to care for myself and manage my diagnosis, I become hopeful that someday I won’t need pills to function. Of course, if I do decide to get rid of the meds and things go downhill, I’ll get back on them. Unlike some people in the spiritual community, I’m not opposed to medication for mental health. I believe they can truly help a person who is struggling (I’m living proof).
In previous blog posts, I’ve discussed how I’ve decided to start dating again. I’ve been talking to someone who lives in another state and they’re planning to drive to come visit me sometime soon. We text every day and we’ve FaceTimed numerous times. I feel myself starting to like them but I’m also worried about what could go wrong. In our session this week, I told my therapist how I feel like I’m allowing my past to cloud my judgment. I know that dating should be fun and yet I’m stressing myself out by worrying about how this person could hurt me if we were to get serious. I’m realizing that with dating and being in a relationship, you always run the risk of being hurt. I don’t want to miss out on what could potentially be something great because I’m afraid. Even though I like this person, I’ve still been messaging with other people on dating apps because I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket.
Although things could be better, I’m in a good place in my life right now. I often feel like my life isn’t together but as I sat down to write this post, I realized that I have great things going for myself. In moments when I feel discouraged because something isn’t going the way I hoped, I remember to be grateful. Gratitude has carried me a long way. These days, instead of trying to control everything, I’m allowing things to flow.
Here are a few pictures I’ve taken over the last few weeks.