7/13/20 – Poetry

When I think of how I’ll meet my demise

I know I’ll either die by suicide or from alcohol poisoning

See, I search for happiness at the end of a liquor bottle every chance I get

And…I’ve attempted to take my life more times than I care to admit\

So for me, it’s not a question of how but when

Will depression win?

I’m boxing with demons and right now they have the upper hand

I’m searching for something but I’m not quite sure it exists

I’m missing pieces of myself that I’ve given away to past lovers

And at this point, I’m uncertain as to whether I’ll ever recover

I wonder what death is like,

I’m suicidal and at the same time I’m scared to die

I’m suffocating in thoughts of the afterlife

And if what I’ve been taught is right…

I’ll be burning with the devil, riddled with regret for the sins I’ve committed

Like being gay…

Like losing my virginity at such a young age I’m not even sure I consented…but I didn’t say no

I want more out of life than just living to die

I want to be free…

I crave peace

Something only I can give myself

 

Photo by Mike on Unsplash

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