Come Home to Yourself

A while back, I was sitting in meditation, and the guided practice I listened to talked about coming home to yourself. I began reflecting on what these words meant to me. I wasn’t mentally in a good space when I heard this phrase and realized I’d completely lost myself somewhere along my journey. The self I’d spent so much time working to become. I’ve spent years doing the inner work, and within a few months, it felt like it was all for nothing. Coming home to myself looks like turning inward and truly reconnecting with the parts of me that I’ve disconnected from.

Although it’s only April, 2024 hasn’t been what I expected it to be. I’ve spent the last few months going through a difficult separation with the woman I saw a future with, and it has taken a toll on my mental health. I’ve also experienced a few other losses that made me feel like I was losing everything that mattered to me all at once. The pain has been excruciating and sometimes too heavy a load to carry, but I’ve been showing up for myself almost every day because I know that’s what it’s going to take for me to find myself again. I know that no matter how long the road seems or how far I stray, I have the power to return home to myself because all I have is me. When everything and everyone else leaves, all I’m left with is myself. And I have to hold onto myself. I’ve been getting to know me all over again. The version of me who isn’t attached to someone else. I’ve been rediscovering what it means to be alone and trying to make peace with what has come and gone. Learning to let go has been difficult. I still find that parts of me are holding on. I’ve been dating myself, and that’s the one part of this journey that has felt empowering.

I worried myself into the darkness, and now I’m loving myself into the light. Every day, I hear or see a reminder that things will get better. 

Coming home to myself has looked like allowing myself to just be. Allowing myself to feel the heartache. Allowing myself to grieve and holding space for the painful emotions. Coming home to myself has looked like communing with nature – listening to the birds sing. Being embraced by the arms of a tree. Standing barefoot in the grass. Feeling the sun kiss my skin. It has looked like daily meditation, intentional yoga practices, solo dates, outings with friends, connecting deeply with song lyrics, writing until my fingers ache, dancing to release stagnant energy, focusing on my goals, and feeling. So much feeling. These are the things I find solace in. These are the practices that bring me home to myself. Even in the midst of pain, I’ve committed to evolving into the woman I desire to be. Because every version of me – the woman I was, who I am now, and the woman I’m growing to be, deserves the healing that is taking place. 

Let this be a reminder to come home to yourself. Again and again and again. 

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