The Art of Dating Yourself

Every time I think I’m ready to start dating again, a gentle reminder pops up, pressing me to continue focusing on myself.

Dating yourself means you’re focusing your energy on yourself instead of a significant other. It’s about taking yourself out, treating yourself, and building yourself up. It involves constantly loving on yourself and is a great way to kickstart your healing journey. 

I’ve always struggled with being alone. I felt like I needed someone else to complete me. I feared being by myself because I didn’t like myself, so my way of dealing with it was by keeping someone around.

Many of us crave a loving relationship, but there’s nothing wrong with being alone. This last year has been a time of deep healing, self-love, a lot of alone time, and even some struggle. While I have yet to take myself on an actual date, I feel more connected with myself than I’ve ever been. 

There are days when I look in the mirror and see myself glowing as self-love radiates from me. There are days when I feel blissful and completely whole, all on my own.

Dating and getting to know who I am has been life-altering. That being said, there are also days when I struggle. Days when I feel like I don’t even like myself. Days when I still feel heartbroken and unhappy with life.

I’m learning that it’s ok to have bad days.

Learning to love me has been a journey. Learning how to be alone and actually be happy has been a challenge, but dating yourself is truly a beautiful experience.

Another pro of dating yourself is that you don’t have to constantly worry about someone else. Your focus isn’t on another person’s wants, needs, or feelings. Instead, you’re able to focus solely on yourself. All the effort you put into relationships, you can put into your relationship with yourself.

Something else I realized is that I still have relationship wounds I need to heal. I don’t think I should get involved with anyone if I still have my wall up or if I still have major trust issues and feel like I’m only going to get hurt. I don’t want my wounds to cause me to bleed on people who don’t deserve it. 

How to Date Yourself

1. Write Yourself A Love Letter

I love the idea of writing letters to myself. I’ve always been the kind of woman who writes letters to my lovers.

Writing yourself love letters is a great way to remind yourself how worthy you are. You can talk about what makes you unique and what qualities you love about yourself. 

In your letter, shower yourself with love and affirmations. When you’re finished writing your letter, read it and take a moment to soak in all the goodness. 

2. Take Yourself Out

This is probably one of the main ways people date themselves. Taking yourself on a solo date doesn’t have to be awkward. You can go to a coffee shop and order your favorite beverage or take yourself to your favorite restaurant for dinner. 

You can also do something else like going to see a movie, perusing a museum, taking a class for something you’ve been wanting to learn, or having a spa day.

This is also a great time to step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. 

The goal is to do something for yourself, by yourself, that you’ll enjoy. 

3. Put Yourself First

Dating yourself is about prioritizing yourself. If you’re like me, you’ve constantly put others before yourself. I’m someone who selflessly bends over backward for people. I’m always thinking of everyone else before I ever consider myself.

Lately, I’ve been setting boundaries and standing firm on them. I’ve been putting myself and my needs and wants first. Regardless of what some people might think, there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first.

Some ways to prioritize yourself include:

• Setting boundaries
• Scheduling alone time
• Being kind to yourself
• Making time for what you love
• Creating time for self-care

4. Create Time for What You’re Passionate About

Another way to date and get to know yourself is by creating time for what you love. When we’re passionate about something, we feel intense excitement or enthusiasm. Finding your passion can make you feel like you have a purpose and lead to a happier life. 

Recently, making time for my passion has looked like working on my writing projects.

When you’re passionate about something, it’s like a fire has ignited within you, and you’re willing to do whatever you can to make your dreams come to fruition. 

Some people might have trouble discovering what they’re passionate about. A few ways you can find your passion include the following:

• Brainstorm activities you find fulfilling
• Make a list of your talents
• Write down your values
• Think about your childhood interests
• Explore something new

5. Treat Yourself

There’s no better way to show yourself love than by treating yourself. This can look like buying your favorite flowers, getting a massage, ordering your favorite food, buying some new lingerie, getting a facial, or doing something else that’ll make you feel great.

While it’s nice when others treat us, it’s even better when we do it for ourselves.

You deserve to celebrate yourself. 

7. Schedule Alone Time

This is probably one of the most important aspects of dating yourself. As I previously mentioned, I’ve always struggled with being alone, but a few months after my breakup back in 2020, I was forced into solitude. This time alone taught me a lot about myself and opened the door to begin healing my relationship with myself. 

I’ve reached a point where I enjoy my own company, and I’m not consumed by loneliness.

If you’re dating yourself, you’ll likely spend a lot of time alone. It’s important to know that just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Use this time by yourself wisely. Dig deep and get to know who you truly are. Give yourself a chance to heal your wounds. 

You can even make time to do absolutely nothing. Feeling comfortable with yourself is essential on this journey.

8. Dress Your Best

Dressing your best will look different for everyone. For some, this means putting on a cute outfit and doing your makeup. Others might like to keep it simple.

What’s important is that you’re wearing what makes you feel good. 

9. Create A Ritual

Creating a ritual such as a morning, night, or spiritual one can improve your overall well-being. 

Having a morning routine will set the tone for your day. This routine might include:

• Doing yoga or some form of exercise
• Indulging in a cup of coffee
• Meditating
• Journaling
• Drinking a glass of water
• Listening to uplifting music
• Making your bed

With a night routine, your focus will be on unwinding. Some things you can do are taking a bath, having a warm cup of tea, reading a book, trying aromatherapy, gratitude journaling, and listening to soothing sounds. 

Your spiritual practice can be any activities that fill you up spiritually. These might include:

• Meditating or yoga
• Cleansing your space with sage
• Reciting affirmations or mirror work
• Manifesting
• Spending time connecting with nature
• Taking a spiritual bath

Date Yourself

If you’re new to the idea of dating yourself, take your time. Doing things by yourself might feel intimidating initially, but eventually, you will learn to enjoy quality time with yourself. 

I believe everyone needs to explore dating themselves at some point in life. It allows us to learn more about ourselves and gives us an opportunity to truly love ourselves. Another tip is to practice using the 5 love languages on yourself. Think about how you like your partner to love you when you’re in a relationship and give that type of love to yourself. 

This time in solitude can be one of deep healing, self-awareness, reflection, and elevation. 

Dating yourself will also help to prepare you for whenever you decide to put yourself back out there. You’ll have a better understanding of what it is you’re looking for, and you won’t allow yourself to settle for less. You’ll realize that you are whole on your own, with or without anyone else. 

Remember: Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.

Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash