7/26/20 – Poetry

I thought after my last heartbreak,

I’d be scared to love again

I vowed to never let another in

Cause the last man I trusted battered my heart with his bare hands

And the last woman I gave all of me to

Well, I only got half of her in return

My heart told me she can’t take anymore and that if she breaks anymore it may just kill me

But that’s ok because most days I feel dead inside

I mean…I’m alive

But most days the brokenness consumes me

I try to numb the pain with alcohol and sex

But once the fucking is done I feel more alone than I have ever felt

And once I’m no longer intoxicated, I feel the cracks in my heart because they never left

I want to know love but I’m killing myself in the process

Maybe I’m desperate…

Or lonely…

Maybe love isn’t for me

Maybe I should give up on trying to find the one

Cause every time I think I’ve found the one,

They leave

Or cheat

Or abuse me

They cut me in places I ain’t never been cut before

They take away their love and it only leaves me wanting more

I want to know a love that doesn’t include suffering first

I allow them to hurt me because I don’t know my worth

I put them first

And it leaves me drowning in an ocean of tears

I’m scared of love because the love I know is pure agony.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

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