I thought after my last heartbreak,
I’d be scared to love again
I vowed to never let another in
Cause the last man I trusted battered my heart with his bare hands
And the last woman I gave all of me to
Well, I only got half of her in return
My heart told me she can’t take anymore and that if she breaks anymore it may just kill me
But that’s ok because most days I feel dead inside
I mean…I’m alive
But most days the brokenness consumes me
I try to numb the pain with alcohol and sex
But once the fucking is done I feel more alone than I have ever felt
And once I’m no longer intoxicated, I feel the cracks in my heart because they never left
I want to know love but I’m killing myself in the process
Maybe I’m desperate…
Or lonely…
Maybe love isn’t for me
Maybe I should give up on trying to find the one
Cause every time I think I’ve found the one,
They leave
Or cheat
Or abuse me
They cut me in places I ain’t never been cut before
They take away their love and it only leaves me wanting more
I want to know a love that doesn’t include suffering first
I allow them to hurt me because I don’t know my worth
I put them first
And it leaves me drowning in an ocean of tears
I’m scared of love because the love I know is pure agony.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
ItsJaiMarie 