Lately, I’ve been going through the usual ups and downs of life. Some days I’m full of joy and loving everything about life. Others, it feels like things are falling apart. This range of emotions is also likely due to me having bipolar disorder and experiencing intense mood swings. I also tend to be a bit dramatic and I’m fully aware that although it may feel like it at times, my life isn’t actually falling apart.
On the days where things are good, I’m reminded of why I choose to get out of bed each day. I recently posted on my Instagram stories about finding something to look forward to that gets you out of bed. For me, this is usually knowing I have a carton of iced mocha coffee waiting for me. I love indulging in a delicious cup of coffee. I also have a bit of an addiction and drink between 4-5 cups a day. I know this isn’t healthy but that doesn’t stop me.
A few days ago, I felt so much joy from cooking breakfast. I made chocolate chip pancakes and vegan sausage. It’s one of my favorite things to treat myself to because I don’t make it all the time. I love the simple pleasures of life. On those really good days, I’ll dance around the kitchen while I cook. For me, I have to find moments of happiness because there’s so much shitty stuff happening around me.
I recently decided to enroll in college. Classes start October 25th and I’ll be pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and English. I am equally excited and nervous. I’ve never been to college and I’m also not the biggest fan of school so I really don’t know what to expect.
I spent quite a bit of time debating on whether I’d go to school to obtain a degree in writing. I questioned if it was pointless because I’m already a writer, I already possess the skill. So what would be the point? After talking to my mom and sister and looking around online, I realized it’s not pointless. There’s still so much I don’t know and there’s always room to improve. Participating in this program will help me better serve my current and future writing clients, improve my skills, and also help me with my own creative writing projects. Plus, I’ve been checking out content writing jobs on Indeed and most of them want you to have a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing, English or Journalism. So, if I ever decide to give up freelancing and return to being a regular employee, I know there are jobs in my field.
Speaking of freelancing, it has been going well for the most part. I have a few amazing clients I’m writing for right now and it has brought me great pleasure. Being a freelance/content writer is so unpredictable. Some months I’m juggling multiple clients and have consistent income and others my client load slows down or even completely stops. But this is what I wanted.
I resigned from my job teaching pre-school in February and I haven’t looked back. I wake up every day grateful to be doing what I love and getting paid for it. Quitting my job to pursue writing full-time without actually knowing when I’d have clientele was risky. I knew I made the right decision when clients started flowing in. I’m grateful for all of it. Every single client I’ve had. The times where I have no clients at all. This journey isn’t perfect and I’ve sacrificed a lot because I believe in myself. I trusted that this is the path I’m meant to walk even when I can’t clearly see my next steps.
I recently started working on my book again. I won’t go into too much detail but I will say it’s an anthology compiled of short stories. I published two short stories here on my blog a few years ago and I received a lot of positive feedback. I realized my love for creating short stories and that aside from eventually publishing a book of poetry, I’d like to have a collection of short stories.
I look forward to the day where I can call myself a published author.
On another note, I feel like I’ve gotten deeper into my spirituality and the journey I’m on. I’ve been doing inner child healing and while it’s heavy work, I know it’s completely necessary. My spirituality is extremely sacred and important to me. For me, mental health and spirituality go hand-in-hand. My spiritual practices help me improve my well-being. I’m dedicated to my healing and becoming my higher self.
A few months ago I made the tough decision to move back home with my mom temporarily and it has taken a toll on my mental health. I’d been out of my mom’s house since I was 19 and moving back home has been hard for numerous reasons. I’ve started looking at apartments again and I have a plan for when I’m going to move out. Some days, I feel miserable being back in a household with people who caused me unbearable pain that resulted in some of my childhood trauma. Part of the reason I was able to begin healing from some of my childhood is that I was no longer in the environment that broke me.
Moving back home hasn’t been all bad though and I’m grateful my mom welcomed me with open arms. My therapist suggested I continue to look at apartments and keep moving out at the forefront of my mind.
Overall, life has been good to me. I’m losing weight, my hair is growing, money is flowing in, I’m spiritually in tune with myself, and I’m starting school.
Sometimes the good truly does outweigh the bad.