Why didn’t you fight for us?
You left the home we fought so tirelessly to build.
You let go of our dreams…
Of the nights we’d make love.
Of the times I held you in my arms as the little boy in you cried for the man you’re trying to be.
Why didn’t you fight for me?
Instead, you fought me.
It still haunts me…
How your lover could turn cold.
I saw the demon in you as you choked the life out of me.
And still I want to believe that everything we had was true.
That the love shared between us was pure.
The day I watched you walk out of the door, I fell to my knees and begged God for help.
I needed help trying to make sense of what had transpired.
I needed help for the thoughts rummaging through my head.
I was suicidal…
Because for nearly 3 years, you were all I knew.
I couldn’t imagine a life without you.
For weeks, I cried myself to sleep.
I’d wake up and reach for you only for reality to set in…you’re gone.
It’s over.
And even though I knew this to be true, there are days I’m still in denial.
How was it so easy for you to leave?
I loved you with the broken pieces of me.
I gave you my patched up heart with its many cracks and bruises.
I allowed you to see me naked and exposed my past to you.
I told you about them all and the ways they broke me.
And yet, you turned around and did the same…
Did I ever mean a thing?
Photo by Dima Pechurin on Unsplash
ItsJaiMarie 