Just needed to vent…
I AM LONELY.
I feel more alone than I have felt in awhile…not having friends/family to share your greatest moments with
SUCKS! Not having them when you need a shoulder to lean on
I AM LONELY..but can I be honest?
I no longer have to worry about the closest person to me giving up ..because she already did. I no longer have to worry about the what ifs because the what ifs have already happened. This was a person I would have gave my life for if it came down to it. A person I considered my other half, sister. A person I would have NEVER turned my back on. Yet in the blink of an eye she does it to me. And why? Because my feelings were hurt and as I tried to express that to her she acted as if she did not care? She acted as if I was overreacting about the situation. But the very moment she gets her feelings hurt she wants the world to care. I won’t lie I’m getting a little teary-eyed as I type this …a whole connection has now been lost. I haven’t really talked about ..or wrote about it honestly because I am still trying to figure out exactly how I feel.
Was I wrong? Was I wrong for letting her know how I felt about her not once coming to read my blog since I’ve started it? Was I wrong for calling her out on saying it wasn’t her fault then turning around and making excuses for why she hadn’t? She hadn’t had the time..but all the free time she has had and she couldn’t take 20 minutes out of her day… to go check out something she knows means a lot to me. WAS I WRONG FOR BEING UPSET? Was I wrong for sending her two or three messages a few days later getting what was on my chest out. I blocked her so that if she chose to respond I wouldn’t get it.
What gets me is that she showed that she didn’t care about how I felt.. what gets me is that she tells me to stop talking to her and ends a relationship that we both know we will never get back. She likes to throw the fact that she has been the only person here for me and blah blah, but with all that has happened I can only question everything. I question how it’s so easy for you to stand by a dude who continues to do you wrong..continues to upset you, but without hesitating you give up on your sister.
See how I compared the two?
Is that considered throwing things in her face?
How do I feel? Betrayed.
I cried the night all this took place. I am scared because I don’t know who to trust. I was already beginning to feel like everyone was out to fuck me over.
A very small part of me is glad that it happened when it did. I am at a point in my life where I’m much stronger than I have ever been, I can stand alone and smile but still…. there are days I miss my other half. Truth is? I will always love and care for her but I do not see us being what we once were ever again. I still check her Instagram page it’s just a way of seeing how she’s doing.
Seeing how she has never came to this site she probably won’t see this anytime soon… it was nice to finally sit down and get this out.
Some advice? I believe that we all need someone at some point in our lives BUT learn how to survive alone. Do not depend on the next person too much. Do not expect all that you give to others to be given to you.. you will be disappointed.