Venting- Other Half?

Just needed to vent…

 

I AM LONELY.

I feel more alone than I have felt in awhile…not having friends/family to share your greatest moments with

SUCKS! Not having them when you need a shoulder to lean on

SUCKS!

I AM LONELY..but can I be honest?

I no longer have to worry about the closest person to me giving up ..because she already did. I no longer have to worry about the what ifs because the what ifs have already happened. This was a person I would have gave my life for if it came down to it. A person I considered my other half, sister. A person I would have NEVER turned my back on. Yet in the blink of an eye she does it to me. And why? Because my feelings were hurt and as I tried to express that to her she acted as if she did not care? She acted as if I was overreacting about the situation. But the very moment she gets her feelings hurt she wants the world to care. I won’t lie I’m getting a little teary-eyed as I type this …a whole connection has now been lost. I haven’t really talked about  ..or wrote about it honestly because I am still trying to figure out exactly how I feel.

Was I wrong? Was I wrong for letting her know how I felt about her not once coming to read my blog since I’ve started it? Was I wrong for calling her out on saying it wasn’t her fault then turning around and making excuses for why she hadn’t? She hadn’t had the time..but all the free time she has had and she couldn’t take 20 minutes out of her day… to go check out something she knows means a lot to me. WAS I WRONG FOR BEING UPSET? Was I wrong for sending her two or three messages a few days later getting what was on my chest out. I blocked her so that if she chose to respond I wouldn’t get it.

What gets me is that she showed that she didn’t care about how I felt.. what gets me is that she tells me to stop talking to her and ends a relationship that we both know we will never get back. She likes to throw the fact that she has been the only person here for me and blah blah, but with all that has happened I can only question everything. I question how it’s so easy for you to stand by a dude who continues to do you wrong..continues to upset you, but without hesitating you give up on your sister.

See how I compared the two?

Is that considered throwing things in her face?

How do I feel? Betrayed.

Hurt.

Confused.

Scared.

Ashamed.

Stupid.

Angry.

I cried the night all this took place. I am scared because I don’t know who to trust. I was already beginning to feel like everyone was out to fuck me over.

A very small part of me is glad that it happened when it did. I am at a point in my life where I’m much stronger than I have ever been, I can stand alone and smile but still…. there are days I miss my other half. Truth is? I will always love and care for her but I do not see us being what we once were ever again. I still check her Instagram page it’s just a way of seeing how she’s doing.

Seeing how she has never came to this site she probably won’t see this anytime soon… it was nice to finally sit down and get this out.

Some advice? I believe that we all need someone at some point in our lives BUT learn how to survive alone. Do not depend on the next person too much. Do not expect all that you give to others to be given to you.. you will be disappointed.

 

13 thoughts on “Venting- Other Half?

  1. Oh my dear, I read this on my cell and saw this needed to be address fully! 1. I am terribly sorry for your hurt. Its real. I felt the words you wrote. So I am sorry for your pain. I will say a prayer for you.
    2. Often I know that when we are hurt, we tend to block out a lot. Your sister is in a relationship with a man in whom she is wrapped up in, right? There is a much deeper issue between you two and I am sure you know and chose not to write about it. I completely understand. I have been through this before, and it was when I got out of it, I was able to see my part.
    3. NEVER vent over text. It should have been done face to face preferably or FaceTime. There is nothing worse than misunderstanding between two people and text messages, social media outlets only strengthen that misunderstanding. Sometimes what we feel we are conveying is received totally wrong.
    4. Your sister is also in pain. Hard to believe. Her indifference may seem to you like she doesn’t care, and I don’t know her, so I may be wrong, but we ALL deal with hurt differently. She could be in her own pain that she can’t even see outside HER OWN ISSUES to look to you. My best friend is like this, and my father too. I am far from this kind of person, so it is hard for me to relate, but over the years, I learn to accept them for who they are and deal accordingly. That results in me keeping things to myself more, but at least that expectation that I am having of them is no longer there. Your 100% is not their 100% . She could very well be giving you 110% of what she has to give.
    …I lost count (lol)
    Breathe deeply. Reflect. Pray. Have some quiet time. Cool heads prevail. That will be your sister FOR LIFE. Look to yourself, and ask…what could I have done differently? You are only hurt because you love your sister.
    She loves you too! Don’t forget that. Don’t allow the actions or lack thereof dictate how you behave. Love her anyway even when she is the most unlovable.
    I would be hurt if she didn’t read my blog and knowing that it means so much to you. It hurts. I get it. Love her anyway. Don’t mention the blog anymore. But still love her anyway. but most importantly, continue to love yourself.
    PRAY
    PRAY
    PRAY for clarity and peace with this.
    And I will pray for you as well.
    Sorry for the long winded response. I read this and it was familiar to me.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I started crying while reading your comment, you taking the time to write this means a lot to me!! You are right about everything you have said!! Yes I’m hurt, and I’m sure she’s hurt too! But that will always be my sister. Right after the argument I was so upset I jumped to..I will never forgive her..I will never trust her or anyone else again. But now that I have had time and got my feelings out I’m able to think a little more clearly. I just want to say thank you, thank you so much for this!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m so glad I could help! We are human, you are human girl!! She will always be your sister. That man will come and go, friends may come and go. Your sister? That’s the real forever. Take your time, gather your thoughts. Then go see your sister. With flowers lol to soften her up just in case just to get the barriers down.

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  2. Also that same emotions you wrote that you felt. Ashamed, confused, betrayed, scared, angry. I can guarantee that she feels the same but for different reasons. I say this, but know I validate your feelings. They are real and true. I don’t want to take that from you at all. Just giving you another perspective.
    -Vanessa.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Nothing worse than feeling your friendship is one sided. I guess I differ from the previous poster. It is hard to end some friendships but sometimes it is necessary. Maybe it shouldn’t of been done while emotions are so high, maybe having a talk while everyone is level headed, and if you aren’t getting through to her, you do what you feel is best for you.
    One thing that stood out to me was, you mentioning that she talks about how she was the only one there for you, well, maybe that is why she has behaved with you the way she has. She may think that has given her some right to treat any ole way.
    I couldn’t be friends with someone who thinks them and their issues are the only ones that matter. I’ve been tossed aside for boyfriends, and other friends, but I’ve never really ended a friendship. I’ve let them fade into something else, where we remain friends, but not nearly what we were before. It just isn’t fair to yourself. Whats interesting is that they are so wrapped in themselves, that they don’t notice how they treat you, and how the friendship is changing…..until you didn’t respond to their phone call or text when they needed you to.
    And no I don’t think you were wrong. If she is really your friend she would understand why you feel the way you do, and if you can’t call your friends out on their bs, whats the point.
    This sounds like something that has been brewing for awhile. Best of luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. After reading this I started wondering if maybe she does use her being here for me as some type of excuse to act any kind of way towards me… Or to act like my feelings don’t matter. I guess since I make time for everyone else, regardless of what I have going on I can sometimes forget not everyone is the same. Thanks for your comment!

      Like

    2. Nikki, I agree that sometimes we need to let friends go. I often used to find myself in one-sided relationships… until I had had enough and decided I needed to find out why. That started me on a journey of personal growth that I’m so grateful for. Along the way I’ve learned about self-absorbed people (narcissists) and realized that some of my own family are like this. I’ve had to walk away for my own sanity and emotional health. I now invest in relationships where I am receiving as much as I give, or close to.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I love what Vanessa wrote. I read your post and felt your pain. I have been there! The fact that you trusted her to share how you were feeling hurt shows that you value the relationship and are invested in it. It hurts when the other person doesn’t respond to that trust you have placed in them. I’m with Vanessa and think it’s quite possible that her responses were a defensive mechanism. Hurting people hurt people. I’ve felt extremely hurt in similar situations with a number of friends. Looking back now I can see that they responded from their pain and issues and weren’t able to see outside of themselves to respond in a helpful way to my expressing my hurt.
    Trust is built in very small moments…have you seen Brene Brown’s Anatomy of Trust on Super Soul Sunday? I recommend you check it out. 🙂
    It’s hard to trust people when you’ve been hurt as you have. But don’t give up. Keep working on growing stronger and being okay on your own, but also remember that connection with others is so important. It’s worth being vulnerable to find valuable connections. But also important to learn what safe people are.
    Thinking of you and wishing you strength on your journey. I love how real you were in expressing your feelings in your post. That takes courage!
    Blessings! Elizabeth

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your words!! The comments I have received were really helpful and made me look at the situation a little differently than I had been. No I haven’t seen that but I will definitely be looking into it!! I sometimes go into these states where I’ll feel like nobody can be trusted and that I never want to trust again, but I realize that not having that connection with anyone ..hurts me more than at least trying! Thank you again

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Praying for you that you will find Peace. Obviously you are hurt by what’s been going on. Above all else; love on another. I find myself in the same situation with my older sister, who has addiction issues, blaming other family members for “her own mistakes”, lashing out in drunken stupor, for many, many years. Christmas just inflames the hurts, it is hard. I pray for my sister to see things as equal not superior. You are never alone, He is always with you. May you find healing for hurts gone by. Does your sister know how you feel? Perhaps you could talk to each other, putting aside your differences. Just because you love someone does not mean that you always like what they do! I have tried talking to her but get the “hands up” “let’s not talk about it” routine. so be it! Your emotions are the only thing You can control, not others, Try not to dwell on it. Let things go to God and the Universe; send it out there. Let the dust settle; treat her with love and kindness, not judgement and resentment. I know that is hard. May you find goodness in your heart to turn the other cheek and prove to yourself you don’t need anyone’s approval to be Happy!!! Blessing to You.

    Liked by 1 person

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